Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
