So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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