i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
