I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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