Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
