Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Damn victory sex feels great
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
