Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
