i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
