Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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