so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
