Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
