Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
