She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize