Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
