I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he thought i was a dude.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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