My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im part way to drunk.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
