Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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