My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your penis caused this!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
