Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
