When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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