So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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