She said her name was "party"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
