dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
