I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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