I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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