I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
