She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
