Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's rum buckets o'clock
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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