I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
