Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
