Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
