hell yes lets make some ravioli
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
