that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
