i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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