Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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