im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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