Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
