Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
