So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
