That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
