R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
