the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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