I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All the doctor said was why
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
