well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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