My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
