so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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