is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
