we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
