# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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