moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
