he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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