Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
