The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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