Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
