Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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