Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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