Have you finally orgasmed yet?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
