we have pet lesbian snakes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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