Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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