I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's blow job season.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
