there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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