hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize