you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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