girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
