so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
