I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
