My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
