so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
