What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
